


Humanity's Weakest

by SlayerEnfiniti



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, It's funny because he's a shrimp, maybe riren if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 19:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlayerEnfiniti/pseuds/SlayerEnfiniti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Survey Corps celebrate with alcohol. Levi can't resist Eren's pleading face and then...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humanity's Weakest

**Author's Note:**

> A little drabble I wrote for kinkmeme forever ago.

Eren felt a surge of elation as Wall Maria came into sight. It had been one of the times that Commander Erwin's formation had really paid off. Out of the 100 soldiers that had left the gates this morning, 98 were returning home. Better still, they'd found a grove of citrus trees, so their carts were packed tight with oranges and lemons. Malnutrition was always a fear in the army, and in the population in general, so Eren knew that their cargo would be greeted with celebration. Every soldier had been ordered to eat at least two on the spot, and Eren could still taste the sweet juices.

Captain Levi rode up beside him. "Hey, Jaeger, you look damn stupid with that silly grin on your face." Eren smiled wider.

"Why shouldn't I be happy? I'm doing what I've always wanted, exploring Titan-infested land and returning home with the spoils of war."

"I hope the fruits haven't spoiled, that'd be a damn big mess to clean up."

Eren laughed, and he heard another laugh somewhere to the side of him. Spirits were light, and they rode proudly through the main street with their heads held high. 

..........................................................

Dinner that night was festive, with much yelling and shouting. Most of the officers had decided to pass on formalities and eat with their men, and jokes and games echoed through the hall. Around halfway through the meal, several large crates were delivered. Curious, Hange (being closest) lifted one of the lids, and found a note inside. She read it aloud to the crowd.

"To our victorious soldiers, we at the Schwartzmond brewery have been testing a new type of liquor, and we're pleased to give you the first successful batch of 'Mondchen'. Please enjoy, and thank you for all you do!"

Soldiers cheered, and bottles were passed around. Eren accepted one from Mike, and took a swig. The brew was mellow, and flowed down his throat easily. "Wow, that's amazing!" Levi, sitting across the table from him, eyed the bottle.

"Alcohol is a foul concoction. It should never have been invented."

Eren laughed at Levi's sour face. "Oh, come on, sir, this is so much better than the ale and vine we usually get! You should try some!" He held out his bottle, and Levi's nose wrinkled.

"There is no way in hell I'm putting my lips on that bottle." Eren sighed, then reached over and snagged an unopened bottle. 

"Here, then." Levi looked down at Eren's offering with disdain. "Sir, aren't you going to celebrate our success?" There was a lull in the conversation, and several heads turned in their direction. "Surely even you can consider that a success. Or did we fail to meet your expectations well enough?" More heads were looking at them, and Levi shifted uncomfortably. Eren stared back, eyes challenging. With a growl, Levi grabbed the bottle and cracked it open.

"...To our success." Levi screwed up his face and took a sip. Then another. He ended up downing half the bottle before breaking to breathe. "Huh. Not bad." The tables erupted into cheers and laughter as Levi set the bottle on the table.

"Captain Levi actually drank!"

"I don't believe it, 4th squad's not here and Ellie's never going to believe me!"

"Are we dead? He'd never do that!"

Eren looked around curiously. "What are you all talking about?" 

From two tables over, Hange stared at Levi with her mouth hanging open. Eren got up and walked over to her. "Never..." She refocused on Eren. "I've been under his command two years and I've never seen him touch a drop." A crazy look crossed her face. "I wonder what type of drunk he is... We should test it! This is a golden opportunity!" She rose and walked back over to Levi, Eren tagging behind. Levi was staring down at the bottle as if expecting it to do a backflip.

"Um, Hange-san, I'm not sure that's-"

"Hey, Captain!" Levi glared up at her. "You should really finish the whole thing, it's impolite to leave half of it." His frown deepened, and Eren tensed. That was NOT a happy face. Hange backpedaled. "I mean, uh, supplies are always scarce and you really wouldn't want to waste it... would you?" Levi looked down at the bottle, then up at Eren.

"You."

"S-Sir?"

Levi pointed at his bottle. "Finish it." Whistles from the others. Eren turned a little red. Yeah, he'd offered his own earlier, but with everyone watching it was hard to forget that it would be an indirect kiss and with the CAPTAIN. Eren gulped. "Jaeger. I gave you an order."

Eren snapped to attention. "Yessir!" Ears burning, he took the bottle and downed it in three long swallows. "B-Better, sir?"

"Hmh." Levi took the bottle from him and upended it on the table. Two drops fell from the lip, splattering on the table. Levi growled. "Damn halfassed job you did, brat. Look at that waste. Look at that MESS." Next to Eren, Hange stopped breathing. "Mess. Hngh. Needs to be cleaned up, Jaeger." Levi tugged at his cravat. "Now."

"Sir, it's two drops and people have been eating on these tables, they're plenty messy and they'll just be cleaned once we leave-"

"You being insubordinate?" Levi's voice was deadly quiet. "You need to clean this. Now."

Eren stared at him in disbelief. "But-"

Levi's fist slammed on the table, and conversations across the hall stopped. "I'll do it myself." He pushed himself to his feet. 

Eren noticed Levi was leaning.

Significantly.

Ohshitohshitohshit.

"S-Sir, I'll clean it right away, you should just sit and-" Levi turned to face him, swaying.

"Do I look like I need a damn nanny?" Hange squeaked.

"No sir, but it's my fault so I should-"

"You are being insubordinate."

"Not at all, sir, you told me to clean it and I will-"

"I will do this. Because I am..." Levi paused. "Do you know who I am, Jaeger?"

Eren wasn't quite sure how to react, but he had to answer somehow. "You're Captain Levi, Captain Levi." Levi slammed both hands down on the table, hard enough to rattle the whole thing. 

"I AM HUMANITY'S GODDAMN STRONGEST SOLDIER!"

The room was silent. Hange was practically panting, and Eren felt a cold sweat break out. "Sir-"

"WHO AM I?"

"Hu-Humanity's strongest, sir!"

Levi turned to Hange. "WHO AM I?"

"Humanity's strongest, Captain!" Hange bit her lip, struggling not to laugh. Half a bottle. Half of a single bottle.

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Levi roared.


End file.
